While we were having breakfast this morning my 3-year-old daughter, Justine was drawing on a piece of paper with a box of colored chalk pastels (which she calls "crayons") by her side. She then accidentally knocked the box over and it fell to the ground, breaking all the brittle chalk pastels into tiny pieces.
Justine immediately asked me "Mommy, can you pray for my broken crayons?".
Without thinking I started to pray to just appease her. After all, they are just a bunch of broken chalk pastels, and nothing more.
Not intending to say a meaningful one I laid my hands over the broken "crayons" and uttered, "Papa Jesus, I pray for Justine's broken crayons. We lift them up to you because we trust you. We know that there is always a breaking before the breakthrough. In Jesus' Name... Amen"
As I said "Amen" Justine joyfully shouted "Amen" too and started singing an instant made-up song, "Thank you for praying for my crayons...Amen... Amen..." which was, by the way, on loop for a good 15 minutes. And I, on the other hand, was nudged with the prayer that I just prayed, with words that I was positive were not mine. It dawned on me. It was another message from Him. I had another moment of intimate yet strong heartfelt realization about myself and perhaps, every single one of us.
We all have or are currently experiencing some sort of brokenness. Most of us, including myself, would oftentimes feel so hopelessly broken we don't even want to keep on trying. But God knows that in all our brokenness we are still worthy. If we are to look at God as an artist, believe me, as a person who reads the bible every day, I can say that, from all the stories in there, He is the kind of artist who likes to use broken "crayons". You know why? This is because through broken crayons, or people, His grace, glory, and love that flows through us can be magnified.
We have read, heard, and witnessed inspiring stories of people who are far from what we would deem as someone God would use to represent Him and move for Him and yet were chosen by Him still. We saw how God would always use the weak, the cruel, the wicked, the ill-tempered, the unwise, the irrational, the mentally challenged, the deranged, the ungodly, the person whose guts you hate the most, so He can show that no one is lesser or greater than anyone.
While Justine was singing, she one by one picked up all the broken chalk pastels and placed them again in the box. She didn't throw them away. After she was able to gather all the broken pieces again, she sat down and continued with her artwork using the tiny broken pieces of her "crayons" she cared so much about that she even asked me to say a prayer for. The broken pieces colored wonderfully, and just the same as when they were a whole piece. It's not the state of the "crayons" that dictates if they can make a masterpiece but it's the hands of the master.
I would always feel that I am not good enough and what gives me strength to carry on are not my skills or strength but that of my God and my Master.
What happened this morning was a simple moment but it was not something I will consider futile. It's something I want to always look back to. I write this blog for me, and for everyone to know that the most important thing to remember every time we feel broken is to hold on to and trust in the Lord. I've found myself in many similar moments and every time I feel that painful breaking, I know God allowed it and when God allowed me to be broken, He will use me to give way for another beautiful, amazing, and colorful breakthrough to unfold.